From Burden of Self, Spring 2010

Thursday, March 25, 2010

hey kids, I found Jesus!

Posted by Katie

First of all, this post is a little later than I had hoped... but after two trips to the Apple store my computer is finally behaving (now that I have typed that, I give it 24 hours before it hates me again).

My dad would always say to my brother and I, 'Hey, Kate and Joe, I found Jesus'.
'Really?'
'Yeah, he was behind the couch the whole time'
This still makes me laugh.

When it comes to this enlightenment business I am quite skeptical. It doesn't really work for me. For those it does work for, great! At least in my own experience I haven't really gotten enlightenment from things such as yoga, or being set up to be reborn as a Christian. When I was a junior (?) in high school my mom, aunt, and I signed up for a yoga class. It was once a week with a frighteningly short and flexible man. His skin has spent so much time in the sun that it looked like leather. He was an incredible nice and soft spoken person. From what I remember the class was twice a week, and we went for only 4 weeks or so. I was very athletic at the time and the class fell in the midst of my ski season. I was used to working out and training very hard. Yoga was a great break for me, and let me explore the strength in my muscles in a very different way. That was about as much as I got from it.

While I was in middle school there were a few of my friends who had joined this new church. They kept talking about how cool and laid back and fun it was. 'We get excited about Christ! We celebrate!' They would tell me how with the power of prayer with their peers they could speak in tongues and how amazing and heightened of an experience this was. Speak in tongues? What? So I decided to go with them, just to see what it was about. What an uncomfortable hour that was. I thought I would be able to go in, hang out in the background and just observe what this place was all about. That was an incredibly naive assumption on my part. I found myself to be the main focus of the greater part of this hour. Suddenly the whole goal of this hour (mass? service?) was to get me reborn, or to speak in tongues, or see god, or something along those lines. I felt violated in so many ways upon leaving there. I felt as though I was watching a show of people filling in gaps in their lives with wild antics that they could cite as proof that they are spiritually alive. If that is what spiritually alive is, then I will pass, thanks.

What I am trying to get at is that I think my dad is spot on. I don't know if enlightenment has to be some big dog and pony show or journey. Who is that journey for? You? Or is it so you can tell everyone else about this incredible journey? Why can't it just be simple? Even just a moment of realization that something was there the whole time, and you were just oblivious to it can be a very satisfying moment. Kind of like when I freak out because I can't find my car keys, and damn it, I had just had them, where did I put them, I really hope they aren't locked in my car... And they were in my hand the whole time.